Numbness +

A year ago I was crumbling. If you asked me at the time I probably would have brushed it under the rug and said it’s fine. I’m fine.

What I didn’t realize was how poorly I was dealing with things. My dad’s death (among other things) were buried so deep inside I couldn’t even recognize them, and eventually I couldn’t recognize myself either. The hollow smiles and unspilled tears that settled at the bottom of bottles were feelings I had become comfortable with.

Emptiness and sadness weren’t unfamiliar to me, but I’d be damned if I let myself dwell in them. I was so afraid of falling back into the black hole I had clawed myself out of plenty of times before in my life, that I refused to let myself slip into any emotions I couldn’t control. Instead of working through my pain and being patient with myself, I felt that as long I held it together outwardly- I was making progress.

I was so wrong. Pain has a way of becoming warped when you hold it in. It’s subtle and powerful and will often allow you to think you’re in control.

And then you find yourself warped too. Unrecognizable. Questioning who exactly you are.

There’s a quote I like:

“Unexpressed emotions never die, they just come forth in uglier ways”

Which I was unfortunately finding to be true. I was doing things out of character. I was working for the weekend. Blacking out every single Saturday night and pushing through Sunday Fundays. Week after week.

My energy was so low and eventually it turned into self hatred. I hated how I looked, how I felt. I had no clarity. I was totally disconnected from my true self.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but I was subconsciously building a wall around me. To keep my emotions in, or to keep others out? I’m not sure.

I didn’t want to be hard to the world. I desperately wanted to feel normal again. Or to feel again, but it just felt like a concept that was so far away. I was numb.

In a way, icy coldness or fiery anger are both easier to deal with than numbness.

They are outer directed and you might actually have some control over them.

Being numb just is. When you are numb you lack empathy. You lack heartfelt reasoning. People become collateral damage because your indifference is more hurtful than flames or frost.

It took months before I could come to terms with this. It took months of working on myself. Releasing old pain. Forgiving myself. Forgiving others. But mostly just focusing on who I knew I wanted to be and aligning myself to that.

Self development has always been a big part of who I am, but I learned (yet again) that the strongest lessons we take home with us are the ones we walk ourselves through and out of. We can read page after page of someone else’s life, but the lessons don’t truly resonate until we’re the ones putting out our own internal fires.

I had dog eared a page titled Numbness in a Rupi Kuar book. I found it today and reread it.

Reading it was so sad. Not because I could relate, but because at one point I did. There was a moment in time where I was so broken… I read this poem and identified with it so strongly that I marked it.

I had to read it twice before the memory of when I bookmarked it came back to me. Then it all flooded back in…

More than anything I feel relieved. To stand in a moment of time and feel the distance between who I was and who I am is powerful and humbling.

As days pass we don’t see change.

As months pass we feel change in what we see as microscopic increments.

But in the space of a year, the difference feels monumental.

Never doubt yourself when working towards anything. Ever. Those microscopic decisions pile up and eventually they’ll take you where you need to be. Just don’t stop. Be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Seek growth.

My Favorite Way to Save Money +

So random topic but I had multiple people message me about the expenses for my 3 week long trip + straight up even ask me how I afforded it LOL. I am usually a pretty open book, so no I don’t think that’s rude in any way. (We all work our asses off + we all should want to aim higher for ourselves!)

I’m not rich guys, but I’m pretty decent with money management. So I just wanted to share an app I use that has intrigued me from the get-go!

It’s called Acorns.

Click here to get started!!

There’s a million apps out there to help you save money but I highly recommend this one first and foremost.

I’ve been using it since October 2016 + started it by simply linking my credit & debit cards to save roundups. Eventually I multiplied my roundups x2 (so doubling the amount) and then started automatically transferring $5 a week. The funds being moved are so small you literally don’t even notice, and it’s nice to check it every month or so and see your account grow.

What separates this app from most others is that instead of your hard earned money just lingering in an account, it actually turns around and invests it- aka the hard work is done for ya. All through the app. You also have the choice on how risky you wanna get with your money. The longer you use the app, the more money you’re building + sitting on, which means the more you have a chance to earn!

They have a $5 referral bonus, (for you and the new investor) so when you get your friends to save their first few dollars, you’re winning too! 💸

Use my link to download the app and sign up! And if you guys have any questions about how to do it I’m happy to help as much as possible! 😋

I back this app 100% and this is my personal experience using it. Start investing with Acorns today! Get $5 when you use my invite code:

Click here to save us both $$!

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6 Things Your Hairstylist Wants You to Know+

First off, I am soooo fortunate to have clients that I love. I get to work with so many different customers from every walk of life, with all kinds of personalities, that basically just don’t make me hate going into work every day. Dreading waking up every morning, hating my job, and getting burnt out is like one of my biggest fears. Luckily, I almost never experience clients who make me feel that way.

That being said, I do wish for anyone who goes into a salon to be as informed as possible about what they’re getting into. I’ve had a lot of first-time, virgin hair clients, as well as clients who get their hair done every 4-6 weeks for maintenance, but I find myself explaining the same things again and again, or even cringing over things that I want people to know better.

1. You’re not going from black hair to blonde hair without damage.

I’ll start with this because I know people struggle wrapping their mind around this one. The way us hairstylists determine your hair color is by using two systems. The first being on a scale of 1-10. Darkest blue-black hair is a level 1. Lightest white blonde hair is a level 10. Most people are not usually a natural level 1 or 10. The second is determining what hue your hair is. (ash, gold, warm, neutral, beige, etc). Going lighter takes DEDICATION and PATIENCE. Multiple sessions of lightening (that you will pay for individually) will most likely be necessary. I personally will never risk the integrity of your hair because you insist on being platinum blonde immediately when you’re naturally a level 3, or have box black color on your hair. It’s not happening. I truly cringe every time I explain this.

2. Stop moving in my damn chair when I’m cutting your hair.

Biggest pet peeve ever! I want your hair to be perfect. If you’re moving a ton because you’re an excited talker, your haircut is not going to be even. Especially when it comes to precision cuts, it’s soooo important to remain still. If this means not talking for 10 minutes, then don’t talk. Tough love, but it’s just because we care about you and your hair.

3. Don’t try haggling with your stylist.

Honestly, this is more offensive than people realize, and I am speaking on behalf of every stylist out there. This is my life. My career. I wake up and get out of bed to serve YOU. I have to make money to survive just like you and this is how I chose to do so. When you have LONG, THICK hair, it’s extremely time-consuming and it takes a lot more product. Aside from the obvious, though, we go to school specifically for this and truly dedicate ourselves to constantly improving our craft. I can’t begin to tell you the hundreds, to probably thousands of dollars I’ve spent on high-end products and tools because I want the best experience and results for my clients. If you don’t want to drop that kind of cash on a stylist who prioritizes the health of your hair, then go somewhere else. Don’t try bargaining. It’s just frustrating. More often than not, the salon’s control the prices anyways.

4. Communication is essential to any good relationship.

If you book a salon appointment, and for any reason need to cancel or reschedule, it is normal human decency to contact your stylist in advance. Friends or first-time clients. Many hairdressers won’t even think of rebooking a no-show client. I’ve even been to salons who won’t rebook you until you pay for the services you didn’t show up for, in addition to your next appointment. Time is money. Someone else could have been scheduled to get their hair done had you given advance notice. Emergencies are understandable, but blatantly not showing up is disrespectful. Good communication is also 100% essential during a consultation. Make it clear what you want and don’t want. If you’re indecisive, but trust your stylist to do what they think is best, tell them that. But say what you mean. The outcome of your hair totally depends on it.

5. It’s probably Photoshop.

More often than not and usually when it comes to fun unnatural colors, people show me pictures of the hair color they want, and it’s photoshopped. It’s 2016. There are millions of images that have been altered circulating the web. With today’s options for hair color products, it’s probably possible to achieve the color you want anyways, but still having realistic expectations for you hair is important. Another thing to note is that many fashion colors require very light blonde hair to show their true pigment. That requires a lot of going blonde. In which case, refer to #1.

6. Leave box dye on the shelf where it belongs.

I could give you a million reasons to advise you against box coloring your hair at home, but number 1 is it’s not healthy for your hair. “Why?” may you ask. The ultimate difference between having a pro color your hair vs doing it yourself is that box dye is not specially formulated for your individual hair type. It’s meant to drive full force into your hair cuticle, with no regard for the condition your hair is in. It’s formulated at its maximum. If you have fine hair, this could mean serious breakage because of the harshness of the product. If you’ve colored and highlighted your hair numerous times, it’s also at the risk of breaking and becoming extremely dry and brittle. When you go to a salon, we tailor our formulations to be 1. exact color to get where you want to be 2. gentle or strong depending on what’s needed and what we believe you hair can handle and 3. with better quality ingredients in our professional color. If that’s not enough to deter you from “the box”, you should know that it probably won’t come out the color you’re expecting anyways. If you’ve previously colored your hair, every strand now contains artificial pigment. Coloring on top of that (adding pigment to pigment) only creates darker pigment. Not the true color. That’s why your hair went black when you tried to do a light brown. Before you try to do anything wild and end up hating it afterward, my advice is to see a professional to begin with. “If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional, wait until you hire an amateur.” AKA a color correction is time consuming and expensive. Trust me, I’ve been there and I have done them many times on my clients.

 

These are just a few things I wanted everyone to be aware of, from my perspective as a hair artist. Also, everyone’s hair is different and reacts differently. Hair can be unpredictable. Please remember this when you set your hair goals and see your stylist!



Sometimes, the best advice you can take is your own.+

I have a collection of writings from previous experiences that I’ve been compelled to share for a long time. Writing has always been therapeutic for me when my mind is clouded with emotions. The purpose of sharing many of these is my hope in reaching someone who could relate, and thus making them feel less alone in their own personal journey.

Moon opposite Mercury + “There is a conflict here between the head and the heart. Your emotions tell you one thing and your mind tells you something else. The result is a see-saw effect: you can be emotional to the point of irrationality at one moment, and logical the next. How to blend the head and the heart is a constant struggle for you, usually because you have a tendency to resist blending them.”

 

What hurts today won’t hurt tomorrow. Time will fix everything, and God will put things back in order. He’s done so much for you spiritually emotionally & mentally, when you’ve needed it most He hasn’t let you down.  You did what you had to do and undoubtedly put in 1000%. Don’t mess up the rest of God’s plan for you, because you want to allow yourself to be weighed down by the past. That isn’t you. You’re a lover of new beginnings, and shouldn’t compromise that because you feel lonely. You’re not alone. The people who care about you TRULY care, and that’s more than most people can say for themselves. So just be patient. Relax. Give it to God. Lighten your heart up- there’s no person worth burdening you to the point of feeling like you aren’t yourself. You’re truly great, and have the power to do great things, while helping others do great things. Don’t let your purpose go to waste. Emotions are only temporary. Look at the bigger picture, stop being so blind by what’s in front of you. You’re selling yourself short.

2013.